The Grey Zones

This year is all about integrity for me. All throughout the last year and continuing into the new year, I keep seeing structures and systems crumble due to a lack of integrity within their very foundations. I think our integrity, how we handle ourselves one moment at a time, will be key to our evolution this year. In my head, I have the words of a senior dharma teacher who says: “karma means you don’t get away with nothing!”

I cannot help but notice a lack of integrity in so many places and relationships, and further, how often we keep quiet about it. We fail to address a problem because we lack the trust in ourselves, or the courage to face it. Or, despite an unhealthy dynamic in a particular relationship, we are afraid to upset the status quo.

The solution cannot be found in stating beautiful spiritual ideals alone – painting over what we do not wish to see with a big brush. We have to tackle our challenges one step at the time, one relationship at a time, one problem at a time.

We have to excavate into the grey zones, with the full knowledge that there is no quick fix. We have to sit with our situations, intimately, and sometimes painfully, until we can finally see the right path through to the other side of where we are going. My personal tactic is to approach any and all situations with a win/win strategy; fully aware that what needs to be done may be hard at times, for me and/or the other person. But, ultimately, the outcome will benefit all sides.

What else is there to do? We are not going to heal the world with our good intentions alone, they provide us with a moral compass, but the work still has to be done in the grey zones of our lives, one moment at a time.

The New Dawn of Humanity

Here we are, in 2013. I have been reflecting on why it is that there is so much anxiety and fear present in all of us at this time. While there are certainly many reasons for anxiety and fear in our modern hectic world, one reason stands out to me — we have become a throwaway society; everything is and can be replaced.

Only 50 years ago in Switzerland, any object was built to last for a very long time. Today, things are built, purposefully, NOT to last, so they will need to be replaced in a few years. More profit to be made that way. Unfortunately, this same attitude has spread to how we treat people and other beings as well.

Doesn’t work out with your partner? No problem, there are many more lovers out there in the metaphoric green pasture. How about when you encounter difficulty in your chosen spiritual practice or with your teacher? Easy, there are many paths and other teachers right around the corner. And on it goes. Animals are, of course, ever expendable, as seen in the way we treat them before they end up on our dinner plate.

The thought of being replaced so easily is what gnaws on our insides and creates all this anxiety. Fear that we might be replaced, cast out, or exposed as insignificant causes us to overwork, become overly greedy, lash out, get stressed out, and experience a host of other stressful symptoms.

Maybe one of the reasons the tragedy in Connecticut hit us so hard is the reminder that our children are not replaceable. It was a reminder of a deep truth — none of us is replaceable. We are all like snowflakes, unique and one-time expressions of life’s beauty and mystery. We are, in fact, irreplaceable. Some place we know this is true, even though we do not have access to that truth anymore.

By placing detachment so highly on the list of spiritual values, spirituality has not offered much on this conundrum either.

I say — be more attached! You are lucky if you love your partner or a teacher so much that when things get difficult you do not simply replace them. If you love them so deeply then replacement shouldn’t present itself as an option. Of course, it is necessary to be aware of abusive relationships. These are absolutely necessary to sever, and the ability to do so will foster another facet of spiritual growth. But that’s another story for another time.

Otherwise, only because of this love and, yes, attachment, will we get through the discomfort of confronting our own deepest issues and, maybe, finally move through and heal them.

Sometimes that deep love and attachment to a teacher, lover or mentor helps us to realize that I, too, am an absolute unique expression of the divine and that I can learn to love myself for the precious One that I am.

From there we expand and recognize all the incredibly precious and irreplaceable beings and even inanimate objects around us. We realize that every bit of life around us is sacred, and we do everything in our power to protect it.

In acknowledging the preciousness around me, I have taken on a stewardship of a section of the Santa Fe River, just below my house. Every time I go for a walk in the riverbed, I pick up trash and make the immediate environment to my house a more beautiful place. It gives me so much pleasure to restore the riverbed to its natural beauty. Why? Because it is precious and unique, and it is mine to do since I live here now. I love finding projects that remind me to be attached to where I live and work.

The best part of healthy attachments is the beautiful reward. At some point there is a natural letting go. Healthy attachment and love, in my opinion, will lead to unconditional love, which is another manifestation of letting go. The release is akin to the mature fruit that simply lets go of its connection to the stem when it is ready. It’s not prematurely ripped away, causing wounds and scars. Similarly, we can trust that when our attachment and love has fully matured, there will be spacious, luminous, unconditional love and equanimity.

Some fun things to do to decrease anxiety and foster healthy attachments:

• If you get a present that is not the right one for you, instead of going back to the store and replacing it, think of who would be the perfect recipient for this gift and then have fun giving it to the right person.
• Tell your lovers, teachers, children and other loved ones that you are attached to them and that they matter to you. My relationship with my husband took a big turn when I stopped saying things during fights like: I don’t think this will work out, maybe I should leave (incidentally my worst fear is to be abandoned myself).
• Be particular about details, even objects like to be treated with respect.
• Making a gift, something that has your sweat (and maybe tears) in it. Give it away, knowing how unique it is because you put yourself into it.
• Think about other ways to express and celebrate healthy attachments.

By Poet Deena Metzger:

"Give me everything mangled and bruised and I will make a light of it to make you weep. And we will have rain, and we will begin again."

Fast-track englightenment is dangerous

This article appeared on the San Francisco Chronicle website in 2009.

I have been following the story of the Arizona sweat-lodge deaths with shock. As part of a Spiritual Warrior retreat, for which participants paid $9,000 apiece, three people died and 19 people ended up in the hospital.

The victims were part of a group of about 60 people who – after nearly two days in the desert with little food or water – spent more than two hours crowded in a sauna-like sweat lodge that was covered not with breathable blankets but with plastic tarps.

I am upset and saddened by this tragedy and I have been wondering how it could have happened. As a teacher focused on spiritual as well as physical development myself, I believe this is a wake-up call.

In many ways, Arizona is a vivid example of what has gone wrong in the spiritual movement in recent years.

It would be easy to dismiss James Arthur Ray as a cult leader who got out of hand, but it is not that simple. I don’t think James Ray is crazy or evil, but I do think he is a deluded human being. This retreat was about creating abundance and a more fulfilled life through pushing one’s boundaries. In his eagerness to reach this goal, Ray was willing to overlook the well-being of his followers.

As a spiritual seeker, I’m very aware of the “edge,” the place where we push ourselves past our comfort zone, to let go of old patterns and explore a bigger potential. In a culture that is focused on comfort, that’s often an important exercise. But how far should we push ourselves or encourage our students to push?

As a young yoga student, I more than once let an over-eager yoga teacher push me in a yoga pose past my limits – and I got injured. I so wanted to reach a new level that I discounted my safety in the pursuit of my goals. With time, I learned to take responsibility for my own safety, and now I teach my students to listen to their bodies and respect their limits. Ray’s followers – tragically, perhaps criminally – apparently were not encouraged to do the same.

In most serious spiritual traditions, every teacher has a relationship to a teacher and a community that provides a check on the teacher’s ambition and ego. The practice has developed over many years and can help the practitioner find an inner sense of a balance that allows for growth with integrity. It’s a process that requires time, patience and mindful attention.

Today, spiritual teachings are taken out of context and can become downright dangerous. We are looking for the quick fix, the fast rush – even in our search for enlightenment. Some will use old and powerful teachings in an attempt to get there.

In the Anusara yoga I teach and practice, the principle is to say “yes” to life, to our goals and aspirations and dreams. But coupled with that “yes” is an immediate “no,” expressed by creating boundaries, for the safety of our physical bodies and our psyches. We literally contract our muscles to protect and stabilize the joints and the core. Then out of that “no,” that stability, can come another “yes,” a physical (and perhaps spiritual) expansion, one that is more grounded, more realistic and has been tested by life’s challenges.

It is too late for the people who suffered and died in that sweat lodge. But it’s time for all of us to insist that anyone who presumes to take on the mantle of “spiritual teacher” must honor the importance of “no” – as much as the aspiration of “yes.”

Winter 2007 Newsletter - The Ancient Link Between Prana and Citta

The Ancient Link Between Prana and Citta

I have just recently returned from a month in Europe, teaching workshops in Amsterdam and Zürich as well as visiting family and friends and doing some skiing in the Alps. Truth be told, I almost didn’t want to come home! But here I am and delighted to be back.

While it was a hard decision to let go of Yoga Sangha, I love the freedom that has come from it. Yoga Sangha was my main project for the last 4 years, and allowing it to transition into the capable hands of Sarasawati Clere and Yoga Kula was really the most joyful and strategic decision I could make at this time in my life and career.

While I treasure the experience of running a business enormously, having learned so much in the process, I have also learned, thanks to guidance of some dear wise friends, that to maximize my impact in the world, I should focus on “doing only that which only I can do.” I constantly had to balance the ease and joy of being a yoga and spiritual teacher, with the challenges of running a studio.

Saraswati is one of the most gifted studio owners around, so it made perfect sense to turn the studio over to her, freeing me to do “that which only I can do,” to be a yoga teacher, a spiritual guide, an activist and sangha builder.

Moving out of the role of studio owner has led me right back into the dreamy, sweet space of the yogini that I am. Now, I’m catching elusive threads of complex yoga philosophy and finding new ways to share it with my students, instead of my old life which was filled with finding subs for sick yoga teachers and administrative tasks!

As I am starting this brand new chapter, I’m finding life to be uncertain and exhilarating all at the same time. Actually, we are always at the threshold of the new, having to let go of the old.

I am spending my time making vision boards (visual collage of goals and intentions), doing increased Metta practices (loving kindness) and exploring purpose, picturing on how I would like to feel and “be” going into the future. I am sinking into the state of pure feeling and “being.”.In Yoga philosophy we would refer to this as the state of Prana, or life energy, where we get to simply be, breathe and observe sensations that allow us to immediately get in touch with Prana.

Especially in our world, it is a relief to leave the world of Citta or Mind and enter into a simple state of being. Lucky are those who discover how to approach life through Prana rather then just Citta.

The link between Citta and Prana has been documented well. For example in scriptures such as the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, it is said that Citta and Prana swim together like two fish in complete harmony. Where one goes, the other follows.

Most of us here in the Western Hemisphere try to understand, control and manipulate our mind in order to reach freedom and happiness. While that strategy can sometimes produce results, generally this approach is slow and tedious. The mind can only understand itself through its past patterns, concepts and understandings and so it is very limited.

This is true especially if we don’t expose our brain to frequent paradox, challenges and new viewpoints (like reading an intellectual book or talking to someone from a completely different cultural background). By following the same patterns and habits, Citta will get smaller and more narrow, traveling down the same old paths. Buddhists call this narrowing “the small sense of Self”. Because our life energy is linked to Citta, it too will become smaller and smaller.

As yogi(ni)s, we soon discover this phenomena and we do our best to explore the possibility of reversing and expanding our approach. If we can do our practice in a non-competitive, non-judging and non-aggressive way (all Citta related concepts), we discover Prana and learn to follow it. The magic happens in the process of following Prana through its winding path; Citta can’t help but be transformed and opened and thus returns to it’s empty, spacious state, also called “the original mind.”

Prana doesn’t discern between pleasant and unpleasant sensations or experience, because all becomes grist for the mill. Prana does not judge. It simply leads us where it must, to energetic or physical blockages as well as to places of strength and talent. Prana has its own direct and powerful intelligence and when we learn to follow its flow, we will encounter both the dark and the bright in us. It allows us to address life’s problems from a new and fresh perspective.

One of the strengths of a Yoga practice lies in its ability to literally reverse how we see the world. We do it in down dog or headstand – any time we turn ourselves upside down. But the true magic comes from following Prana rather then the all-consuming Citta, which is exactly what happens when we practice yoga, contemplate art, surrender to dancing and chanting or travel in a different culture.

Even just a few moments of sinking into Prana each day, letting ourselves breathe, observe sensations, feelings and thoughts will turn Prana into the leader and help expand the mind. An extra benefit from practicing in this way comes by recognizing that Prana intuitively knows things that Citta doesn’t.

For example, Prana will guide my hands to someone’s injured body part during a yoga class even though my mind didn’t know about the injury. Prana will create those special, synchronized moments where the person you just thought about suddenly calls. Prana will lead you to the right place at the right time to the right person.

What is your way of finding Prana? My invitation this winter is to take some time to reflect on the activities that allow us to cultivate Prana and then make a commitment to practice them often.